Fathers Rights

Children, separation and divorce can be a fatal combination where DAD is left out of the picture.  Father’s rights is not just arguing about child support and pissing off NOW.  It’s about fathers PROTECTING their children from abuse, neglect, and murder - by VISITING them, SEEING them, and PROTECTING them.  Enforce your rights to visit and raise your children.

Today is Thanksgiving - Christmas is about a month away - but for kids murdered and abused by mom’s BOYFRIEND, there will be no more holidays.  See this article at the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review and consider these frightening statistics:
–A 10-month-old Troy Hill girl was sexually assaulted and fatally beaten, and police arrested her mother’s live-in boyfriend, who was babysitting.
–A North Versailles man watching his girlfriend’s 14-month-old boy put the baby’s head in the crook of his arm in June and squeezed until he “heard a popping noise,” killing the child at her White Oak home, police said.
–Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological parents, according to a study of Missouri abuse reports published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2005.
–According to several studies from the University of New Hampshire’s Crimes Against Children Research Center, children living in stepfamilies or with single parents are at higher risk of physical or sexual assault than children living with two biological or adoptive parents.

Many fathers don’t want to put the children through a child custody battle.  Many fathers give up custody because they don’t have proper divorce information or paternity information.   And very few fathers know how to enforce their visitation rights, or how to keep an abusive boyfriend or stepfather away from their kids.  Parental alienation is unfortunately not the only possible result of being denied your right to see your kids.

The article has several suggestions to address the problem: subsidize daycare, educate parents, educate cargegivers. NO WHERE in the article do they MENTION fathers!

NO WHERE in the article do they suggest ENFORCING fathers’ visitation rights to protect their children.

The effects of divorce can be difficult on children.  But they should not be fatal.

If you are being DENIED your right to visit and raise your children, there ARE ways to enforce your rights.

Join Dads In Court, a group for fathers to share strategies and tips that were successful in court.

Buy “Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father,” which contains an entire chapter on protecting the children from mom’s new boyfriend or husband - and 5 other pleadings to force the court to respect your rights as a father.

In every child custody battle…
In every modification of child support…
In every petition for contempt hearing…

…There is one thing that every father fears: “What if she lies and the Court believes her?”

Many men have the experience of living with someone who lies. A lot. Sometimes it seems like she is incapable of telling the truth ever. And then when she lies to her lawyer, or to your lawyer, what chance does he have in court?

Courts assume that people are telling the truth when they testify. That’s why they take an oath before they testify: to impress upon them the consequences of lying. So simply telling the Judge that she’s a liar, or having all your friends and relatives tell the Judge about how you can tell she’s lying because her lips are moving, won’t make the Judge automatically not believe her testimony.

So how do you prove she’s lying?

One way is to contradict her testimony. When she says you were yelling and drunk at Thanksgiving dinner, have your witness there to testify that you were sober and she was the one yelling and out of control.

How do you know what she is going to say in court? Take her deposition. This is testimony under oath, but outside the courtroom and before trial. Your lawyer can ask her many questions, and pin down her story. Like the example above. If she says that during the deposition, then now you know who to have testify, to contradict this. And if she doesn’t bring it up in the deposition, she cannot spring it on you at trial for the first time.

Liars lie, and you can’t stop it. And neither can your lawyer or your Judge. But you can pin down the lie, and know the lie ahead of time, and plan for it. You can turn her lie about you into an ambush for her.

Also, don’t forget the following resources for FATHERS:
—I have created a group at Yahoo! called “Dads In Court.”
—I have also written a manual: “Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father,” which is on special sale.
—I want to write a library of 5 or 6 such books, focusing on how fathers can USE the legal system, instead of being ABUSED by it.  I am asking for your suggestions as to what the next book should be:
    -Aggressive Discovery For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Parenting Time For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Custody Litigation For The Non-Custodial Father
    -your suggestion

Also, feel free to use the COMMENTS section to suggest helpful links and websites, and law firms or lawyers you may have had a POSITIVE experience with (no NEGATIVE comments, please. We want to ADVANCE the cause, not just vent and bash people).

Enforcing father’s rights includes the right to protect your children. Just because your kids don’t live with you doesn’t mean you can’t be there for them. It also doesn’t mean that every decision by Mom is going to on on “correct” decision (although she certainly will tell you that).

Especially her decision on her next guy.

You have the right to know about EVERY person who’s around your children. That includes teachers, bus drivers, doctors, friends - and Mom’s new boyfriend. She’ll tell you that “who she dates is none of your business.” That’s true.

Unless he’s around your children.
Unless he’s doing family-type activities with your children.
Unless he’s sleeping under the same roof at night with your children.

Then it absolutely IS your business.

You can ask her for name, date of birth, and Social Security number of the guy. A huge amount of information can be obtained with just 2 of these 3 pieces of data. If she won’t tell you this information, you can get ask the court for an order for her to tell you. If you have to do this, ask for her to pay your attorney’s fees.

What if she denies having a boyfriend? Get witnesses who have seen her and him together. Get schoolwork from the kids that mention him. Like the “what I did last weekend” kinds of homework, where the kids say they watched videos with Billy or whatever his name is.

And remember: the issue is NOT whether she has a boyfriend The issue is getting information about someone who is around your children. Hey. It might even be her new girlfriend! HER relationship with the new “significant other” isn’t the point. The point is your right to know the background of anyone who is around your kids. (Some states may in fact care about her new boyfriend. Her new relationship may be relevant for getting a divorce, a larger share of the marital estate, or for terminating alimony. But we’re not talking about those situations here. Maybe later. But not right now.)

There’s a whole chapter on this in my book
“Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father“

Also, don’t forget the following resources for FATHERS:
—I have created a group at Yahoo! called “Dads In Court.”
—I have also written a manual: “Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father,” which is on special sale.
—I want to write a library of 5 or 6 such books, focusing on how fathers can USE the legal system, instead of being ABUSED by it.  I am asking for your suggestions as to what the next book should be:
    -Aggressive Discovery For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Parenting Time For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Custody Litigation For The Non-Custodial Father
    -your suggestion

Also, feel free to use the COMMENTS section to suggest helpful links and websites, and law firms or lawyers you may have had a POSITIVE experience with (no NEGATIVE comments, please. We want to ADVANCE the cause, not just vent and bash people).

I’ve had two situations recently where Father resisted allegations or demands made by Mother, and was successful, because he based his resistance on principles, and forced everyone to look at the family law case with proper legal analysis. Even when the only thing Mother has on her side is emotions, it still takes a struggle to defeat her.

In the first case, Mother said that Father’s girlfriend should not be present during his parenting time. She even brought their counselor (of course they were in therapy!) to testify as how the kids felt about the new girlfriend. We resisted, on two principles: the girlfriend wasn’t dangerous to the children, and Father had gradually introduced the girlfriend to the kids. The issue was whether Father should have overnight visitation with the children, with the girlfriend present.

The Judge decided Father was correct.

The second case had a court-appointed family therapist requesting that Father take a battery of mental health exams. Now, in this particular case, there were no accusations against Father, either in Court or in any pleadings. Father’s position was that, under the Constitution, people have a right not be examined against their will. His other position was that specific allegations had to made, not just generalized allegations that his kids were “scared” of him.

Eventually, Mother requested that the family counselor be “unappointed,” as these was no need for family therapy in this situation (this was also a long-held position of Father).

In both cases, Father was able to resist demands made on him, by separating the resistance from the conflict between him and the ex. And by showing that the law favored his position. It is absolutely necessary for Fathers to fight every effort by Mother to bring emotion into the courtroom. When Father can focus the case on the law and the legal factors, generally Father will do better. At every turn, Father should express his resistance to Mother’s demands in terms of principles, and not just as opposing Mother.

Mother will always say that her demands are “in the best interests of the children.”. But this is a conclusion, not a reason. Father can sucessfully fight this by basing his resistance on specific principles.

Also, don’t forget the following resources for FATHERS:
—I have created a group at Yahoo! called “Dads In Court.”
—I have also written a manual: “Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father,” which is on special sale.
—I want to write a library of 5 or 6 such books, focusing on how fathers can USE the legal system, instead of being ABUSED by it.  I am asking for your suggestions as to what the next book should be:
    -Aggressive Discovery For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Parenting Time For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Custody Litigation For The Non-Custodial Father
    -your suggestion

Also, feel free to use the COMMENTS section to suggest helpful links and websites, and law firms or lawyers you may have had a POSITIVE experience with (no NEGATIVE comments, please. We want to ADVANCE the cause, not just vent and bash people).

Probably the last name you think of when you think of “Father’s Rights” is Britney Spears.  I mean, she’s a mother, not a father.  She’s involved in a custody battle with the father of her children.  And she’s Britney Spears, for God’s sakes!  But her custody fight is in the news, like it or not.  No, it won’t set any great legal precedent.  And no, it’s not the kind of case that lawyers and judges are watching, to see new and novel interpretations of law or legal theory.  But if you are a father who is involved in a custody battle, then it’s worth watching - and LEARNING.

First, a little history: Britney was initially given custody of their two children, mainly because no one could really find a reason why Kevin Federline should get custody.  At that time, he had a public and well-documented history of partying, of apparently intermittently supporting his other child, and of not appearing terribly interested in getting custody of his kids.  The Court awarded custody to Britney, and everyone settled down to long nights of Fed-ex jokes and curiosity about what would be revealed about the couple’s finances.

And then something magical happened.  Okay, maybe not magical.  Tragical.  Something tragic happened.  Britney went off the deep end.  In public.  In violation of court orders.  She apparently got drunk in public.  She seems to have had a myriad of driving problems.  She got angry and tried to beat up cars for no apparent reason.  The Judge had laid out specific plans for each parent.  And Britney couldn’t follow her plan.

Meanwhile, K-Fed was reforming himself.  He stopped partying (well, publicly).  He stopped giving ridiculous “concerts” and appearing on TV shows.  He settled down.  He visited his kids.  He acted like he really wanted to be a father.  He acted like a responsible parent.

And he was awarded custody.

What’s the lesson to you, as a father seeking custody of his children?  Well, there are 2 lessons.  First, clean up your act!  If Britney had cleaned up her act, she would not have lost custody of her children.  And, by cleaning up his act, K-Fed suddenly looked to the Court like a better option than Ms. Spears.  And he also looked better than he did at the beginning of the case.  Courts like to see parents grow and mature during a case.

The second lesson is: point out your ex’s flaws and problems!  Now, not to the kids.  She’s their mom, and everyone involved in the custody decision-making process hates when either parent runs down the other parent to the children.  However, it is fair game to bring your ex’s bad acts to the attention of the Judge, the custody evaluator, the Guardian Ad Litem, the Friend Of The Court, or anyone else who has a say in the custody decision.  Especially where those acts violate a court Order (showing that she vies the Order more like it’s a “suggestion”) or is a criminal act.  Now some crimes - like driving drunk with the kids in the car - are going to more relevant than others (not returning the overdue movie to Blockbuster) to the question of which parent should have custody.  So use your discretion and discernment.

High profile custody cases are worth following, mostly because you can see what NOT to do.  With Britney Spears’ divorce, you can also see WHAT to do, to improve your chances of getting custody of your kids.  Britney Spears - the new father’s rights poster child.  Who wouda thunk it?

Also, don’t forget the following resources for FATHERS:
—I have created a group at Yahoo! called “Dads In Court.”
—I have also written a manual: “Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father,” which is on special sale.
—I want to write a library of 5 or 6 such books, focusing on how fathers can USE the legal system, instead of being ABUSED by it.  I am asking for your suggestions as to what the next book should be:
    -Aggressive Discovery For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Parenting Time For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Custody Litigation For The Non-Custodial Father
    -your suggestion

Also, feel free to use the COMMENTS section to suggest helpful links and websites, and law firms or lawyers you may have had a POSITIVE experience with (no NEGATIVE comments, please. We want to ADVANCE the cause, not just vent and bash people).

One of the most frequent questions that fathers have is when should they try to get custody of the kids back? Do they have to wait a certain period of time? Do they have to prove mom is “unfit” to get custody? When can they go to court for their children?  When is the right time to enforce a father’s rights?

Each state has its own rules for when a modification of custody can be filed. Since this blog isn’t legal advice, you need to ask a lawyer in your state for the rules on this one. If there IS a “waiting period,” then mark it on your calendar! Don’t guess. Don’t try to remember it. Mark it down and use it as a goal.

Many states permit a modification if circumstances have changed. Each state has a statute or statutes that list the factors that you must prove, in order to think about changing custody. One important point to remember is that there is usually a presumption that the custodial parent will keep custody. A pleading to modify custody is NOT a “do over” of the initial (or last) custody. You need to consider THIS when trying to settle your divorce.

Generally, at the hearing, the Judge is going to want to see 2 things: why the kids need to come OUT of the other parents house, and why your house is okay for the kids to go into to.  That’s pretty much it.  No matter what your state’s statutes say, or what all the caselaw that your lawyer digs up, most custody modifications reduce to this simple 2 step formula.

Let’s look at these individually. Step 1: why the kids need to come OUT of the other parent’s house. This doesn’t mean you have to prove her unfit, or make false allegations against her.   But you must show that something in her household has changed, and now your kids need to come out.  It could be her new boyfriend.  It could be that her drinking has increased.  It could be that she has moved frequently, or changed jobs frequently, or changed boyfriends frequently.  But your focus for this step is what is going on in her home, and why it’s bad or harmful to the children.  Oh - you don’t need to wait for the kids to be harmed.

Step 2 is that your house is okay for the kids to come into.  That means that you may need to clean your act up.  Let’s say that you prove that mom’s drinking has increased, and the kids are threatened by it.  But she shows that your pot smoking has never stopped.  The Judge could easily decide to take the kids out of her house, but not put them with you.  Now where are they?  Or say you prove that her boyfriend has a violent temper, and the Judge decides to remove your kids from her.  But the evidence shows that you have moved 6 times in 7 months, and have had 4 girlfriends during that time.  The Judge may feel that you are too unstable to have the kids. So carefully examine your situation, and make any changes that your lawyer (or the custody evaluator) recommends.

So when should you change custody?  When you can successfully show both steps.  This means that you have to keep an eye on her household.  Don’t stalk her.  But talk to her friends.  Listen to your kids.  VISIT your kids.  Communicate with her.  Hire a private investigator, if necessary.  But be aware of the household and of the atmosphere in which your children are being raised.  And don’t hesitate if you think that atmosphere has changed for the worse.

Again, your case must be presented according to your state’s custody modification statutes.  And it must follow your state’s rules of civil procedure.  But by keeping the above 2 steps in mind as you and your lawyer are preparing the case, it should make the presentation clear to the Judge that custody should be modified and changed to you.

Also, don’t forget the following resources for FATHERS:
—I have created a group at Yahoo! called “Dads In Court.”
—I have also written a manual: “Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father,” which is on special sale.
—I want to write a library of 5 or 6 such books, focusing on how fathers can USE the legal system, instead of being ABUSED by it.  I am asking for your suggestions as to what the next book should be:
    -Aggressive Discovery For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Parenting Time For The Non-Custodial Father
    -Aggressive Custody Litigation For The Non-Custodial Father
    -your suggestion

Also, feel free to use the COMMENTS section to suggest helpful links and websites, and law firms or lawyers you may have had a POSITIVE experience with (no NEGATIVE comments, please. We want to ADVANCE the cause, not just vent and bash people).

Hello, and welcome to the Father’s Rights blog.  This is written by an attorney, actively representing fathers in divorce, paternity, adoption, abuse/neglect, and termination of parental rights cases.  I have been involved in this struggle for almost 15 years, in several states, so I have a “trench-level” view of the problem.

And what a problem! From moms who testify “I know what the custody order is, but I’m the mother and I decide when the kids see their father” to other attorneys, who say “Dad came home from work, spent all his time on the computer, and now he wants custody?” fathers often times face an uphill battle.

I hope that this blog give men - fathers - practical tips to use in their struggles to keep their relationships with their kids.  This blog is NOT theory.  This blog is NOT “fighting for new laws.”  This blog is focused on SHARING strategies that men have used to win in court.  This blog is focused on HELPING fathers with tips on enforcing parenting time, saving on child support, protecting children from new husbands and new boyfriends.  This blog will come from MY experience, and the experiences of my clients - but it will GROW with YOUR feedback and comments.

I have created a group at Yahoo! called “Dads In Court.”  Some people respond better to the blog format, some to the group format.  Eventually, I hope to develop a list and send out a regular newsletter, giving practical tips and answering questions (non-legal).

I have also written a manual: “Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father,” which is on special sale.

I want to write a library of 5 or 6 such books, focusing on how fathers can USE the legal system, instead of being ABUSED by it.  I am asking for your suggestions as to what the next book should be:

      -Aggressive Discovery For The Non-Custodial Father
      -Aggressive Parenting Time For The Non-Custodial Father
      -Aggressive Custody Litigation For The Non-Custodial Father

Please let me know, via COMMENTS at this blog, which you would like to see.  Also, feel free to use the COMMENTS section to suggest helpful links and websites, and law firms or lawyers you may have had a POSITIVE experience with (no NEGATIVE comments, please. We want to ADVANCE the cause).

Thank you, and I hope that this blog, and the related resources, can help fathers help each other.

Please check out the resources:
Dads In Court and
Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father